how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
