wrigley field is MILF paradise
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
