My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
