Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
