you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
