It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
