Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
