I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
