Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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