I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sex in a hospital.. check
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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