Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
