i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
