Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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