Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize