You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
