You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
