Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
