and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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