Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
