Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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