covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
