Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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