How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
