Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize