I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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