She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
