you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
