You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
