Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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