Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
