i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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