i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
