She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's just like the Real World with babies
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
