dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize