My nipple is on Facebook.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
