I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
