At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
