Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
