Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
