we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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