yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize