i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
