You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
