she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize