I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
