My first STD was from a foam party
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
