Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
