Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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