Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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