I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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