WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
