vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
