Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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