How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
