this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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