Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
