Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Terrible idea I love it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
