i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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