I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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