So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sext me about skeletons
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize