Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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