I wish my penis had an off switch
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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