she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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