Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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