White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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