My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
