Cold hands, warm shart.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
