Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
