Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
