she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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